<

Sitting alone at the departure hall, I am not sure if I really wanted this trip as much. All of a sudden, all feelings for Kenji seemed to have died. Recalling all incidents that happened over the past 3 days, I feel like killing myself for being so stupid to have believed and waited wholeheartedly.

Kenji left for Bangkok on Monday morning when he should have left on Wednesday. He never mentioned about the change of date until he was on the plane. If I had not made that call to him, I wouldn’t even have known.

Once again, calls went unanswered and unreturned. Whenever he answered, the background was always so noisy. Yet, somewhere in the background, I could hear a female voice.

“Why do I hear a woman’s voice? I thought only the boys were there?”

“Ya, all boys. Tommy’s thai girlfriend.”

I knew he was lying. She was talking in a mixture of singlish and hokkien. I heard someone call out her name. A name so familiar in his handphone. A name whom would text him in the middle of the night. To confirm my doubt, I called her number from a public phone. Hers was also on a foreign ringtone. I called a couple of times to confirm that she wasn’t in Malaysia. For the last time, i pretended to call and look for another name. The background was quiet. She picked up. I heard his voice at the background, talking on the phone. I called him and I was on ‘waiting’.

“Hey, are you at the airport already?”

“Yeap. How about you?”

“Me too. I am sending them off. They are catching the 12pm flight back.”

Such coincidence that all of us are travelling at the same time? Was it on purpose so that we would not meet one another?

We didn’t speak in the cab. My mind is in a mess. I don’t know what we should talk about. I don’t know if I should ask him about her. I don’t know if I should pretend and ignore.

Instead of checking into a hotel, we were straight for lunch.

“Why do we check in first instead of carrying our bags around?”

“We can always do that later. I am hungry. “

“Which hotel are we staying?”

“I don’t know. Will just go look for one later.”

We still have not spoke except for that short conversation.

We came to this back alley and we went in to get a room. Looking more like a motel, I asked Kenji to go to another place.

“Why are we staying in such a place? It doesn’t cost much more to go to a better place. This place looks so rundown.”

“This place is not bad. Why be so difficult?”

Difficult? This place is horrendous. Can’t I choose a better place since its my birthday?”

In the room, I almost went crazy. The tap was dripping water. I can hear the woman screaming next door.

He just went straight to the shower, avoiding any topic or conversation that I might bring up. He came out of the shower, with clothes.

“Why are you wearing a t-shirt? I thought you never wear clothes after your shower?”

“Whats the problem? Can’t I have the freedom to wear a t-shirt?”

The remaining few days were spent quietly. We spoke only when necessary. I feel no love or emotions from him. Often, he would asked me to go buy things for him. Alone, I would walk around, getting myself a beer and finishing it before going back to the room. Knowing I will not be able to get into the room if I returned too quickly. He would latch the door and would not open till a while later. I could hear him talking behind the door. Often, he would lie that he was in the bathroom.

On the last night, I was quite happy as we will be catching the morning flight back to Singapore. I wish he could get out of sight immediately. I wanted so much to collect all my things from his house and never see him again. Sitting outside 7-11, with a bottle of beer in hand. Paying no attention to all happenings.

“Hey lady, room service how much?”

A big black man, looking high on alcohol approaching me. I got up from where I was and wanted to race back. He jumped in front, blocking my way. The alley was dimly lighted. Chill race down my spine. I stood there, froze. He stretched his arm towards me. I raced as fast as my legs could carry me. I dare not look back, afraid that he might be an inch off me.

Panting and shaking, Kenji did not even bothered to asked me what had happened.

Even if I were a stranger, I deserve more concern than this!

Enraged with anger, I went up to him.

“Are you having another woman? Why are you treating me like this?”

“Why are you acting like a crazy woman again?”

My right hand swing towards him, wanting so much to plant a slap on his face. He managed to avoid me and push me onto the floor. Choking me with his left hand, a punch landed on my cheek bone.

He got up and walked away. Not knowing the exact thing to do, I jump onto him and started swinging blows at him, pulling his hair, slapping with all my might. I got slammed onto the floor again, this time pulling him along. His t-shirt tore. There were love bites all over his body.

“You crazy bitch!”

Kenji left.

I just laid there but I wasn’t crying. Not sure if its because of anger that has overcome the betrayal. Scenes of us exchanging blows and screaming kept flashing repeatedly, stopping at when I saw the love bites on him. I could hardly open my right eye.

Packing my bag, the tears flowed uncontrollably. Angry and upset with myself for being an idiot, upset for spending and wasted so much time on such a guy.

Happy Birthday, I whispered to myself. Closing the door behind me, turning back to take one last look of the room. To remind myself that this will be the first and last time we fight, fought and fighting.